Interfaith dating in the Muslim community

Last night I had the privilege of attending a conversation on interfaith dating in the Muslim community, put on by The New York City Progressive Muslim Meetup Group, at John H. Holmes Community House near Grand Central Station.

It was a highly inspiring discussion, one in which participants were both passionate about the subject and open to sharing their own experiences. The majority opinion in fact seemed open to dating outside the faith, but with three major reservations, none of which managed to surprise me.

The first, of course, was family. The participants identified themselves, for the most part, as progressive Muslims, a label that proved somewhat less compatible with their parents. While they themselves might have succeeded at carving out a space in their faith in which the act of dating of non-Muslims did not feel sinful, it often complicated to the point of rupture their relationships with their families, both extended and immediate.

The second, no less shocking, was children. This became a major factor when the conversation shifted from interfaith dating to interfaith marriage, with story after story chronicling the sudden collapse of otherwise happy unions as the question arose of how childrearing might straddle the gap between, say, Islam and Judaism, or Islam and atheism. It was a question the night left precariously open.

Finally, and most morbidly predictable of all, the consensus seemed to indicate that it is significantly easier for Muslim men to date non-Muslim women than it is for Muslim women to date non-Muslim men. This is in part due to a section of the Qur’an that endorses the marriage of Muslim men to non-Muslim women and forbids the inverse, but also because of the overarching, religion-transcending reality than the stigma of sexual or romantic misconduct is much more hostile toward women than men.

One aspect of the conversation that intrigued me was its tendency to split between individuals who’d converted to Islam and those who were raised in the faith. Overall, interfaith dating proved less difficult for the former, insofar as any relationship decision they happened to make was less significant for their family than their actual choice to convert. 

I encourage anyone interested in finding out more about the faith to attend one of the group's regular gatherings. The atmosphere is welcoming, and the location convenient. (Not to say that such descriptions couldn't apply to a majority of locations in New York.)